Compassion versus improvement

[Rayson]

Excerpted from my journal:


Over the past year, or 3 really- I have gone about identifying problems in my energy body, subconscious, and conscious patterns, among other things. I've looked at things that block the flow of energy or just wellbeing in general, and sought to remove them or improve the situation. So if you had asked at any point "Hey Rayson - do you care about yourself? Do you do things to nurture and care for yourself?" I would have said "Yes- quite clearly I do! Look at this multi-year process!!"

I have another spiritual belief- that the outer world reflects your inner world, and vice versa. I don't think it's always that simple, and I also think sometimes it can take time for these things to reflect, but I've found that the rule upholds very often. Thus- I also get a pretty good gauge of my progress internally, because I can look at my life and the world I'm surrounded by. Using that model, I very recently went "huh- no one seems to care much about me, or consider me as a person with feelings. Am I doing the same thing to myself, and if so- how can that be?"

With those thoughts in mind, I've just started coming to terms with the idea that while yes- I might be trying to improve my life and get myself better, I've been approaching it from the analytical model of air, and not from the nurturing compassion of water. I've been acting like an emergency room physician instead of the family doctor- trying to figure out what was wrong and deal with it ASAP, so I can get the patient of of the hospital. Maybe instead I should have been treating myself with more of a warm smile, a sincere talk, and the time and patience that a good family doctor always seems to have for the people they take care of.

And maybe if I can start bringing this compassion to myself, others will follow suit?